Cooking Fraud
by Quaintly Modern
Summary: One girl can't possibly have so many tragic pasts, can she? A conversation between the lovely Mineral Town bachelorettes at the Cooking Festival leads to a startling revelation, which may bring about the end to Claire's devious scheme. MFoMT One-Shot.


So I was browsing through the section and noticed the fair amount of Claire's with very _tragic_ pasts. And well, one girl who already has a perfectly normal canon past can't possibly have all those tragedies befall her, can she? Thus this fic was born. Apologies to anyone who _has_ given Claire a tragic past. It's all in good fun, yeah? Also, I personally enjoy Gourmet and his food-loving antics. But he was not the greatest choice for a secret bachelor, when they had Carter, Gotz, and Zack to choose from.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon. I do own Campell's soup, but not it's real life counterpart that sounds remarkably similar.

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**Cooking Fraud**

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It was a beautiful day in Spring. A day that the redheaded bartender/waitress at the local Inn usually looked forward to more than anything. But not this year. This year, she was going to let Claire win. Because the poor girl deserved it.

Ann sighed as she gazed longingly at the Cooking Festival table. The very, very _bare _table that did not promise to be filled this afternoon. She sighed once again.

"Ann, are you alright? You haven't been yourself all morning. Do you need me to get the Doctor?" Elli asked anxiously from beside her.

"I'm fine, Elli. I just wish I could enter without feeling guilty," the redhead replied.

"Me too," Karen added from behind the pair, causing Elli to jump, startled and slightly terrified at just the mention of Karen's cooking. _That _no one would miss this year.

Mary and Popuri followed Karen's lead and joined the quickly growing conversation. "It just doesn't seem fair that everyone just let's Claire win," the pink haired girl pouted. Mary nodded in agreement.

"I don't feel okay with this either. I know, I know, her parents just died and we should be-" the librarian was cut off abruptly by an outburst from Karen.

"Woah! What do you mean her parents just died?"

Mary blushed faintly. "My mother told me that's what she told Manna and then Manna just felt so sorry for her she decided not to enter."

Ann gasped. "That's not what she told my dad and me! She said that her grandmother had terminal cancer and that her last wish was to see her granddaughter win a cooking contest." She whispered fiercely.

"Hey! She told my mom that her parents abused her as a child and then died in a fire, leaving her scarred and angsty. She said the only thing that might bring her out of her emotional shell would be to win at the Cooking Festival!" Popuri announced, indignant.

"Yeah! She told me that her rough and rude exterior was only a mask for the insecurities she acquired in childhood, after being relentlessly teased by mimes and that winning the Festival would help her gain self-esteem!" Karen shouted.

"Well, I'm definitely entering now! The soup I make is going to knock the _pants _off that Gourmet!" Ann declared.

"Ew," Popuri intoned, as the other young ladies of Mineral Town either went off to cook their entries or tell the contestants about the blonde farmer's fraud. "Hey, wait for me!" she shouted, before running after them to inform her mother.

* * *

Claire Crystal Vanessa Kitten Sunshinepants Pookey-poo smirked as she surveyed the square. All was going as planned. The judging table was completely empty and any competition was nowhere in sight. Her smug turned into an evil grin as she looked down at the bowl of Campell's canned soup she was holding. This was too easy. Just a few tragic backgrounds and all she needed was a microwave to finally win this Festival.

Yes, this was her year. She had tried winning honestly, really she had. But after four years of trying, she had had to resort to this. After all, she just didn't have _time _to learn to cook better than Doug or Lilia or Ann. She was too busy maintaining her perfect curves, shining gold tresses that caught the light _just _so, and absolutely perfect personality that made everyone fall in love with her. Well, not everyone, just the men, the women were all jealous. And not really the men either, as most of the bachelors had recently gone off the market. But! She was sure that Gray, Cliff, Doctor, Kai, even Rick all silently _wished _they could be with her instead of Mary, Ann, Elli, Popuri, and Karen, respectively.

Looking back up to the table, her smirk-turned evil grin transformed yet again. This time, her features twisted into a look of horror. "No!" she shouted and sprinted to the table.

"Why, hello Claire," Ann greeted smugly, putting down her steaming bowl of delicious vegetable soup. She was closely followed by Doug, Manna, Lilia, and Karen.

"But-but you all said you wouldn't enter!" Claire wailed, seeing victory slipping from her grasp.

"That was before we did a little research. Your parents are very nice, by the way, and they informed me of the decided _lack_ of mimes in your childhood," Karen replied, "That doesn't excuse the rest of you, though! How dare you join her in her evil scheme!" The pretty blonde swept an accusatory finger across the crowd, recalling all too well their support of her withdrawal from the contest.

Claire let out a scream and sank to the ground, clutching her knees and rocking back and forth. The assembled villagers frowned collectively. Stu whispered "Why is the crazy lady so sad?" before Elli told him to shush. Finally, Ann broke the silence.

"Uh, it's just a cooking contest. It's not that big a deal."

"You don't _understand_," Claire sobbed, "I _need _to win! He won't love me if I don't!"

Ann simply scratched her head and waited for an elaboration. When she saw that it wasn't forthcoming, she asked "Who's _he_?" This only increased Claire's wailing.

"The most beautiful and cultured man in the village!" The farmer's sobbing lessened slightly as she turned to the Gourmet and asked in an accusing whisper "Why won't you love me?"

"Oh," Ann said flatly. Popuri grimaced and the rest of the villagers looked slightly confused, all except for Karen, who hit her open palm with her fist.

"That's why you all went along with it! In the name of love!" she exclaimed. Rick cleared his throat from beside her and simply agreed with his temperamental girlfriend. Silence followed, no one sure of what to do.

"Well, true love is a good a reason as any to eat," Elli shrugged and headed for the judging table, Doctor in tow. The rest of the hungry townspeople followed suite, as Gourmet made his way over to the sniffling blonde farmer, a shy smile on his face.

"You cook?" he asked. Claire nodded eagerly.

"I do love a woman who cooks." The two gazed at each other in what would be remembered as the start of Mineral Town's strangest couple.


End file.
